just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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