AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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