I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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