How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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