Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
