he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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