i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he puts the penis in happiness.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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