I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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