Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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