ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
