A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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