Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
