The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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