So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
