Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
