she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
