I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
