Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize