My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
