You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
