This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
