Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
