he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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