great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
