Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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