Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
