i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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