is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have aggressive nipples.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
