But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
