Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
