dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize