i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
