ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
