is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
