People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
