thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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