I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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