Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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