We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
