Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
