It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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