I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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