I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
