I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
