for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
