Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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