She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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