My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
