before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
