what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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