Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
