Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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