You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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