I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
