I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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