this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize