we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
