The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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