Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
