You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
