I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dick very happy bro
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
