Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's like heaven, but drunker
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
