I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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