Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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